Happy Birthday Ethan.

Your arrival into my life, into our family was and is the most transformational gift. You gave us many gifts, but the greatest one is you taught us to love deeper and wider and bigger than we ever would have. Because of you Ethan, our lives are expansive. We’ve met the most incredible people, the most dedicated nurses and doctors, the most beautiful children. The intricacies of our experiences I could have never imagined. You taught me to swing open my chest and just love. You taught me to accept what comes. To take it in and to own it. You showed me it’s worthy to expend myself, to sacrifice, to give my all to someone. You knocked on the door of my heart and I let you in. I jumped in and gave you my whole heart. You and I are soul mates. From the very beginning we had a connection, a bond that felt centuries old. You showed me a love deeper than the deepest oceans, a love that survives death, a love that extends to eternity. A love that never, never, never ends.

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The solidarity of the cross + the gift of Joey.

Experiencing suffering allows us to love others better. I don’t have answers. I can’t say there is some reason for Joey’s suffering or his pain. I can’t say I’m okay with any of it. Because honestly, I’m not. I love Ethan and I would sit with him again and again through all those hard days if I could. The love I have for him allows me to see and love others as they face life’s hard. Not only does it allow me to see other’s pain, I feel called to get right in the middle of it with them. And that, my friends, IS a gift. It’s a humbling, hard and beautiful gift. 

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